Hello

It astounds myself how I never realize that I could just, create a new blog to record everything tagged NZL???

What, the, fuck?

Alright. Two things I want to write today.

-

I met Sze Ern yesterday at my bazaar, and it was always a pleasure to meet her as she always gives a very friendly, casual, and understanding aura.

She's working for Teach for Malaysia, and is still staying with her family in Kajang. It was her choice to stay with her family, realizing that after years of spending her time alone in other states, the time with her family could be short especially after she gets married in the future. I couldn't help but agree to everything she said, and I told her that I felt the same after leaving for a year.

The feeling of spending more time with my parents definitely grew stronger after NZ, and I don't think I would ever feel this way had I not go oversea. It has always been a practice for me to expect and anticipate the passing of my parents because I know that it will definitely hurt. I mean, they are both 60s, and if we are lucky, we could spend at least three or four decades together still. But who's to say that all of us will be able to survive this long in this world full of uncertainty?

I have long since pass the stage of pondering on these what-ifs, and have since focused on spending more quality time with them. It's the least I could do, because when they do pass, I need to be able to tell myself that I have done my best in being a son.

Till that day, I will just keep trying my best. I know they know that too.

=

(My eyes are forcing themselves shut already)
I checked out the Skykiwi job board just an hour ago, the result of a random, forced intrusive NZ flashback that comes regularly. Seriously, I don't even know how that action and thought came to be. Ah, I remember it now. I thought of my bank account in NZ and how can I make full use of it.

Anyways, it reminded me how painful it was forcing myself to scroll through the online job board page by page every day, every hour and minute until I managed to find a good job posting. I was at a family friend's home, and couldn't help but feel utmost insecurity since I woke up very late every night, paid no rent, did no housework or anything to help them. Hey, I told them I could help! It wasn't a pleasant feeling having to rely on someone eventhough they mean to help genuinely. I am just not someone to accept pure help that easily.

Well, I've got to keep myself posted on the forum, hoping to score myself some digital works. After all, I keep my NZ bank account in case there's any opportunity.

The amount of job posting is still astounding though. Funny how there can be a complete different language rooting and surviving in a western country.

Ah, dealing and working with Chinese foreigners. I mean, most of them were fine, but the calls with them were... rather unpleasurable. Eeek.