I am just, suddenly feeling this surge of nostalgia and ... an emotion of longing to do SO MUCH MORE TO WRITE MAKE ART PUBLISH BOOKS AND DREAM AND LAUGH AND EXPLORE THE WORLD CAMP ON A MOUNTAIN AND- I am stuck in my room with my laptop at 5:00am. The thunder roared, and I wondered if my dog is okay. She's afraid of thunder.

When will I be able to finish this book? Will I be able to finish this book? Will I be able to return to mountains and forests, enjoying the magnificent view only a good overnight hike can give? The longing of going back to nature and having no entertainment with me except my pencil and paper? Those moments can easily come back if I will them enough, but I highly doubt so. I am stuck with my commitments even though I deem myself a freelancer, someone who supposedly has a lot of freedom and autonomy to their time.

What an irony.

Bah. The thought of moving to another city/ place is alluring, but I don't think I would love to be away from my parents. Maybe I should visit more forests and gardens.